Military Memes


Just had to like this one twice.

And the same with the airforce pogue I ran into at the Va that hurt her back lifting a box of paper and has ptsd from that as well so she has a 50% disability rating and was there to get bumped to 60.

I was there trying to get bumped from 10-20 with threes screws and a pin in my ankle that had led to back and hip issues over the last 20 years.

She got hers and I got turned down the first time because I didn't have 20 years of dr documentation because unlike this asshole I just lived with it.
 
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Just had to like this one twice.

And the same with the airforce pogue I ran into at the Va that hurt her back lifting a box of paper and has ptsd from that as well so she has a 50% disability rating and was there to get bumped to 60.

I was there trying to get bumped from 10-20 with threes screws and a pin in my ankle that had led to back and hip issues over the last 20 years.

She got hers and I got turned down the first time because I didn't have 20 years of dr documentation because unlike this asshole I just lived with it.

If I ever get to meet you I'll buy you a double of your choice for your service. Sucks about your ankle
 
Saw this and just thought it was funny
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British Suicide Bombers on Strike!

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with ISIS have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when ISIS Central Command announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%, from 72 to only 54, effective immediately. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and the subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife, coupled with other factors contributing to a decline in the virgin supply. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Mustapha Fook told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in our teeth."

An ISIS spokesman released the following official statement, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but ISIS is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace and a difficult economy. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife, which is not helped by the downturn in the economy which is driving virgins to cash in their chastity. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. We don't like cutting compensation, but we would hate to have to tell 3000 of our staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for BOOM in Newcastle, Middlesborough, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as, "There are no virgins in our areas anyway."

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has also been attributed to the emergence and popularity of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are less keen on rushing to paradise.
 
More French jokes, actually real quotes (all in good fun...)

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." Mark Twain.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." General George S. Patton.

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." P.J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either" Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." David Letterman

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada. Ted Nugent.

War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.

“The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.” Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.


French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

(AP), Paris, August 14, 2017

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
 
More French jokes, actually real quotes (all in good fun...)

Too long to post the full text in its entirety, but the link is awesome. A partial posting of the text to the site follows:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html

The Complete Military History of France

***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. Though you may critisize this oversimplified French history all you wish, blaming or threatening the Web designer is not nice.

We are still accepting submissions from history researchers.
Last update: May 4, 2005.

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
 
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