Retirement options

confused

My monsters are real
2A Bourbon Hound 2024
2A Bourbon Hound OG
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Harnett county
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Retirement Options:


You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ...
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different, she is different or It was different!

OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everywhere is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder".

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Nebraska where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at.

OR

You can also retire to Indiana where:
1. Every type of carbonated beverage is referred to as a "Pop"
2. The deer are as large as a mid sized horse and have a tendency to be everywhere a deer can possibly be except between sunup and sundown during deer season, during which times they hang out on golf courses.
3. The seasons are Summer and Winter with mud and rain between each.
4. They firmly believe driving to another state is pretty much the same as international travel.
4.5. have very little grasp of geography beyond Michigan, Ohio, Illinois, and Tennessee (this knowledge is very dependent on which border is closest)
5. Are in direct competition with the deep south for number of jacked up 4x4 trucks, but are winning in the rust department
5.5. Confederate flags are a regular occurrence on these trucks even though Indiana supported the Union
6. Corn...lots of corn..

You can retire to the high altitude regions of the four corners, where

1. The new house 1.3 miles away as the crow flies, 2.8 miles away by ATV trail, or 9 miles away by paved road makes you feel a bit crowded.
2. Breaking into the 80s in the summer is hot, but a 10F day in the winter isn't that bad.
3. You buy most of your groceries at a gas station; "exotic" foods require about 75 miles and 60-75 minutes of driving.
4. Getting medical care is mostly a matter of who you know that used to be a military medic, or retired from working in a hospital about 15-20 years ago. But you've got a vet 25 minutes away you see a lot more frequently.
5. Your porch light is the milky way. Reading by it isn't difficult.
6. You see more aircraft and satellites than you do traffic driving within sight of your house.

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
 
Retirement Options:

You can retire to the high altitude regions of the four corners, where

1. The new house 1.3 miles away as the crow flies, 2.8 miles away by ATV trail, or 9 miles away by paved road makes you feel a bit crowded.
2. Breaking into the 80s in the summer is hot, but a 10F day in the winter isn't that bad.
3. You buy most of your groceries at a gas station; "exotic" foods require about 75 miles and 60-75 minutes of driving.
4. Getting medical care is mostly a matter of who you know that used to be a military medic, or retired from working in a hospital about 15-20 years ago. But you've got a vet 25 minutes away you see a lot more frequently.
5. Your porch light is the milky way. Reading by it isn't difficult.
6. You see more aircraft and satellites than you do traffic driving within sight of your house.

I’m in.
 
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