In fact... I'll recount a story that is so insane you'll absolutely know that I could not have made it up...
I was 16yo, in high school, and my first cousin Steve (about 45yo) owned a metal stamping and machining shop in Alabama. Sometimes, on Saturdays, he'd pay me cash to come drive the forklift and run a huge stamping machine that cut bar stock steel into industrial size door hinges or something... That stamping machine was very dangerous, but I was dumb and my parents thought I was expendable...
Well, the machine shop was a good hour drive from my house, but it didn't matter because I only worked one day a week. And, it was very spotty work. Sometimes I'd go weeks without him calling me to come help him out.
One time we had a 3 day weekend from school, and he asked me to work all day Friday, spend the night at his house near the shop, and work all day Saturday.
I was excited for two days of work, but I was even more excited to spend the night at his house because he had a 15yo daughter. I thought she was gorgeous, and we had been flirting at the shop for a few months. Let's call her "Jennifer". She didn't do any work at the shop, but he would bring her there on Saturdays to keep an eye on her. Even at 15 she looked like a woman and she knew how to flaunt it... and tease... and flirt...
Anyway... I was a 16yo virgin, but I thought I might have a chance so I went to a gas station bathroom and bought 3 condoms from a machine. I remember one was a French tickler, and the other two were glow in the dark... Looking back, I'm sure they were not lubricated and they would have been horrible...
I got to the shop on Friday morning and worked all day. I left my car at the shop, and rode home with my boss (cousin Steve). I brought a bag with a change of clothes, and of course, my new condoms which I didn't even know how to use.
When I got to his house, which I'd never been to before, his wife was cooking dinner. They told me to take a shower and then we'd eat dinner.
After dinner, Jennifer asked her dad if she and I could go to the game room over their garage. They had a TV, a pool table, and a juke box up there.
As soon as we got up there, it was game on. We were on the pool table, on the couch, on the floor... But it was just kissing and touching. Clothes stayed on... In between kisses, I told her about the condoms and she devised a plan for me to sneak into her bedroom that night. We were both so excited about doing the big deed...
A few minutes later, she and I were sitting near each other and talking when her dad threw the door open and said, "WHAT are y'all doing in here?!"
Thank God we were fully clothed and not touching each other when he walked in... But, I could see the fear in his eyes... He knew something was up.
That night, she went to her room, and I went to mine... I layed in the guest bed, more excited than I'd ever been in my life! I must have checked the time on my Timex Indiglo wristwatch 100 times waiting for the right time to sneak out of bed, slip down the hallway, and become a man...
Suddenly, I heard a noise. The door creaked open. I thought: Jennifer must have decided to come to my room! I layed perfectly still and stared at the door as it slowly creaked open. As I stared into the darkness, I saw Cousin Steve staring back at me. Just as slowly, the door shut and he was gone.
In that instant I went from "most excited" time in my life to "most afraid" time in my life!
That door creaked open three more times that night, and each time I locked eyes with a dad, not a beautiful girl...
The next morning, my condoms and I rode to the machine shop, with cousin Steve. There was complete silence except when he told me that Jennifer wasn't coming to the shop today...
I worked all day, stamping out steel door hinges... At 5pm, he paid me for two day's work, I thanked him, and I started driving home 60 miles... One hour of driving, just me, my bag of dirty clothes, and three unused gas station bathroom condoms...
When I walked in the door of my house, my dad was on the telephone... I heard him say, "I appreciate you telling me this, Steve. I'll punish him and make sure he knows better and this'll never happen again..."
My heart dropped. Instantly, I knew I was in trouble. BIG TROUBLE. My dad wasn't the grounding type of dad... He was the punch you in the face kind of dad...
I walked in and started apologizing!
He cut me off in an angry tone, and said, "WHY DO PEOPLE NOT HAVE SEX WITH FAMILY MEMBERS?"
I replied, "To prevent babies being born with birth defects..."
He yelled, "WERE YOU TRYING TO MAKE A BABY WITH YOUR COUSIN?!?!"
I meekly said, "No sir.... I had three condoms..."
My dad cut me off again and said, "Well then... If you weren't trying to make a baby, then you didn't do anything wrong! Keep trying, son... You'll finish the job next time!"