Is it ok to cry? ***UPDATED Oct 7***

As the caretaker for my MIL for 3 years on her downward spiral, All I would recommend is to be light, joyful and help to keep them comfortable. There may come times when you may need a break, and there may come a time when you may not be able to provide all that is needed. When my MIL needed assisted living it seemed to be the call to family that brought everyone here to say goodbye in time. (she soon fell and broke her hip and went soon after)
But I imagine if she had passed at home here other family members could have questioned if we were negligent or could have done more. none helped in caring for her an any way.

You are a good man...cherish the laughter, the smiles and moments. And know YOU (and your family) are the quality in their life...
 
[h=3]1 Thessalonians 4:13-18[/h]

[SUP]13[/SUP]But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. [SUP]14[/SUP]For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. [SUP]15[/SUP]For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. [SUP]16[/SUP]For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: [SUP]17[/SUP]Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. [SUP]18[/SUP]Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

These are the words of God that I hold to when I have been where you are, and I have been there.
I watched my father wither away to nothing in much the same way. A man who was a hustler, a go getter, a man who told me that good things in life aren't free and they must be sought early and with purpose. Daddy was no wordsmith, so I took a bit of artistic liberty there.
If you have met me, you have met my father, though he was a bit more blunt than I, and a lot less round. He lacked a formal education beyond the third grade, yet managed to become a master plumber, and very successful contractor. He loved his family more than life.
He was not eloquent, but commanded a wit I can only dream of obtaining. I remember at a Sunday night service, the preacher mentioned that he was missed during Sunday morning service. He told the preacher he had an emergency service call and had to take the call. "Ray, you ain't sposed to work on the Sabbath." To which daddy replied: "Don't the Bible say if your ox gets his ass in the ditch on the Sabbath, to get him out?" I never seen a preacher laugh so hard in my life. For a man that could barely read, he knew enough.

Reading your words does choke me up. As I read I began to think of my father, and nearly 20 years after his death, it still is heavy on my heart, when I see someone like you walking that path.
I would like to put some syrup on it for you, but I can't my friend, it is a bitter pill. Death is the result of our fallen state, but through Christ the suffering will end when we pass the thin veil of this life.
I would like to tell you you'll get over it in time, but you won't in this life.

Nothing wrong with crying, I have done my share. Two years ago I cried myself to sleep every night for months, sounds I had never heard or even thought myself capable. I won't get over it. The best we can ever do is learn to live with it.

When my father died God made sure I was not left alone. My late wife a father treated me like his own son and does to this day. If I live, I know that I will watch him go as well, and it years me up to know this. When my wife of 18.5 years died too young and unexpected, God again sent me a help suitable for me, accross thousands of miles. I think he did that to show off a bit. He didn't find me a girl down the road, he showed me his awesome power. Every part of the process of getting her here clicked like the workings of a fine timepiece, against all obstacles. She is perfect for me and exactly what I need. She knows how to pick me up and dust me off, and get me pointed straight when I hit rough patches in this road.

The troubles of this life are many, and none of us will escape it alive. If you believe in that scripture at the top of this page, you must also believe that even those "caught up" will eventually die a physical death. God's word is true when he said in Hebrews; It is appointed unto man once to die, and after this , the judgement." That judgement being litteral translated as "reward".

I know much of what I have said is a bit morbid, but those in Christ do not have to weep, though we most assuredly will, as we will see them again on the other side. To be absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord.

My heart is rent for you my friend, I have been there.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
 
***THREAD UPDATE***

My step dad, Robert has hung around longer than most of us, even the doctors, thought he would.

Never underestimate a man who has fought for everything in his life and is now fighting for his life.

Since January, we have been fortunate for several things. We still have in home care/phys therapy coming on a weekly basis.
A member here, who asked to remain anonymous, helped us get a hospital bed. That's only half the story there. I didn't have quite enough to pay for it when the opourtunity presented itself, so this particular member covered the difference. It wasn't much, but not only would he not hear a single word about repayment, he even delivered the bed to me and helped me move it in and set it up.
You, sir, know who you are and already know I am endebted to you deeper than I could ever repay.

Robert has been in the hospital twice with strokes in the last four months, the last one very recently. He is currently at an inpatient phys therapy center trying to recover from the effects of the latest stroke.
His mind is completely gone now, in the sense that he does not know where he is, what or why hes doing what he is, or remembering the things he's done in a particular day.
He can still tell you current events. Things that happened today, last week, month, or year...all they way back to the 1950's.
But, the PT's and nurses there love him to pieces with his direct, no nonsense personality. I visited him today and they were testing his mind with a series of questions.
Here's but just a few of the gems today:
Nurse: If you had a Doctors appt at 10:00 and it takes you 45 minutes to get there, what time would you leave?
Robert: I would find a closer Doctor.
Nurse trying not to laugh: But what if it was the only one. What time would you leave?
Robert: 9:00
Nurse: Wouldnt you leave at 9:15?
Robert: Not if you want to be on time. (Points out window) Whens the last time YOU drove in that traffic?

Nurse: If I had a flat tire, could you describe how to change it?
Robert: Lady, I don't want to be rude, but at your age if you dont know how to change a tire, you better be calling someone.
I thought I was going to piss myself laughing. The Nurse had to try to hide a smile, too.

When she got ready to leave the room, she told him to have a good night.
Robert replies: I would tell you the same but after what you did to me today, I hope you get a cramp in your little toe that keeps you up all night.
I think I did piss a couple of drops laughing at that one.

Outside the couple small strokes, his physical health has (mostly) stabilized the last few months.
He may not know what he had for breakfast, but his wit is still sharp as a tack. And its glorious lol.

Thanks again to all who reached out, those who helped directly, and those who prayed. It's still a struggle at times, but other times it's pure gold. I just thought I would update everyone.
 
It's always ok to cry. Always.

My prayers are w you my friend.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
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Strokes are funny things (not funny "ha-ha"). Sometimes they're very physically debilitating. Sometimes they're hard to tell they've even happened.

My mother-in-law has been going deeper into Alzheimer's the past few years. It's amazing how Alzheimer's can affect a person.

One of the bad ways Alzheimer's affected Mom was her language. That woman is the sweetest mother-in-law anybody could ever want. But she reached a point in her Alzheimer's where, when things weren't going the way she wanted, the language that spewed forth from her mouth was...well, let's just say "socially unacceptable" on an epic scale.

Then one day she had a minor stroke. Ended up in the hospital. Not too physically debilitating. She could still walk, talk, eat, etc. All told, not a serious event. Took a few months to get her fully stabilized...we thought we'd lose her at one point as her health just went down hill a couple months later, and she lost a ton of weight from her already tiny frame. But literally a couple days in the hospital, they stabilized her and she's made a tremendous recovery. One of the best things is her eating...she's eating more, and a lot better, than she has in years.

It looks like the stroke offset her Alzheimer's, too. She's her wonderful old self again, as much as can be said at her age. No more language outbursts and such. Alert, aware, eating very well. In fact, we sat together the other night with her reading meme's I had downloaded on my tablet...totally understanding the humor behind them, whether they were political, military, or just plain silly and funny.

Between the Alzheimer's and the stroke, she's long since forgotten she used to smoke like a chimney. She seems to have forgotten she used to not eat very much. Perhaps these two things (no smoking and better eating) which came about because of her condition have contributed to her improvement.

Or, perhaps, maybe the Lord had a hand in it.

We don't know when Mom will pass away. It looks like she's got a few years in her yet, but in the end none of us know what may happen to change that.


One thing is certain...we are all living numbered days as the reality of our existences. The "end", when it comes, is not a singular event...it's a part of the process of life. If our loved ones have had a good life, then the "end" is simply the conclusion of that good life. Painful as it may be to the rest of us, there can be no better way to reach the end than having had a good and loving life on the way there.

What you describe with your Mom and Stepdad, the love and care they're getting, the good things in life you received because of them, speak to me of this good ending. When it does finally come...mourn. But cherish the fact that they reached the end having lived such a life.
 
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Strokes are funny things (not funny "ha-ha"). Sometimes they're very physically debilitating. Sometimes they're hard to tell they've even happened.

My mother-in-law has been going deeper into Alzheimer's the past few years. It's amazing how Alzheimer's can affect a person.

One of the bad ways Alzheimer's affected Mom was her language. That woman is the sweetest mother-in-law anybody could ever want. But she reached a point in her Alzheimer's where, when things weren't going the way she wanted, the language that spewed forth from her mouth was...well, let's just say "socially unacceptable" on an epic scale.

Then one day she had a minor stroke. Ended up in the hospital. Not too physically debilitating. She could still walk, talk, eat, etc. All told, not a serious event. Took a few months to get her fully stabilized...we thought we'd lose her at one point as her health just went down hill a couple months later, and she lost a ton of weight from her already tiny frame. But literally a couple days in the hospital, they stabilized her and she's made a tremendous recovery. One of the best things is her eating...she's eating more, and a lot better, than she has in years.

It looks like the stroke offset her Alzheimer's, too. She's her wonderful old self again, as much as can be said at her age. No more language outbursts and such. Alert, aware, eating very well. In fact, we sat together the other night with her reading meme's I had downloaded on my tablet...totally understanding the humor behind them, whether they were political, military, or just plain silly and funny.

Between the Alzheimer's and the stroke, she's long since forgotten she used to smoke like a chimney. She seems to have forgotten she used to not eat very much. Perhaps these two things (no smoking and better eating) which came about because of her condition have contributed to her improvement.

Or, perhaps, maybe the Lord had a hand in it.

We don't know when Mom will pass away. It looks like she's got a few years in her yet, but in the end none of us know what may happen to change that.


One thing is certain...we are all living numbered days as the reality of our existences. The "end", when it comes, is not a singular event...it's a part of the process of life. If our loved ones have had a good life, then the "end" is simply the conclusion of that good life. Painful as it may be to the rest of us, there can be no better way to reach the end than having had a good and loving life on the way there.

What you describe with your Mom and Stepdad, the love and care they're getting, the good things in life you received because of them, speak to me of this good ending. When it does finally come...mourn. But cherish the fact that they reached the end having lived such a life.

You are quite right, strokes are funny things. The one in April we had no clue. His speech was a little slurred, but his meds do that to him sometime so we paid it no attention. He was a little more unstable than usual using his walker, but again, the meds do that sometimes. Add in the fact thst he walks once, maybe twice a day, we just dismissed it. The only reason we knew was he fell and we thought he broke his arm. I couldn't get him up from the floor he hurt so bad. Ambulance came, hospital, tests, yada yada...his arm was ok, but one of the tests showed a small blood spot on his brain. That along with the minor symptoms drew us the picture.
The one a couple of weeks ago was more obvious. Passed out, convulsions, pulse and breathing abnormal. Again, ambulance and hospital. Shelby got him stabilized enough for the helo to come and take him to Charlotte. He stayed there almost a week before going to the new place.
He had quite a few more physical effects from that one, hence the phys therapy.
But, he's getting stronger. And that's what matters.

Thanks for sharing about your Mom. I will keep her, you, and your family in my prayers, too. There's always room for a few more in there.
 
If you find the opportune time, just after it has stormed in the summer evening, go outside and sit. Marvel at the sunshine from the west as the storm clouds move east. It will provide much needed solace. It will also provide the knowledge that there is a higher power at work in our lives. One that takes care of things, in this life, and the next one.:)
 
I know all about what you are going through. I went through the same. It can be a very trying time. Find strength in whatever you can. Most importantly let people help you. I was too pigheaded and stubborn to do this. I pray you and your family have strength to get through the times, and for peace after this time passes. Remember the good Lord will not give you anything you cannot overcome. Prayers out brother.
 
Prayers for you and your family brother!
 
I know it's hard. But you are doing the right thing. I went through similar with my father-in-law. Going through similar with my mother-in-law. I can glean that you feel like you don't have the choice NOT to do it. Same with us. More prayers coming your way.

And when that feeling comes over you, and you have to step aside and bawl for a minute...there is nothing wrong or unmanly about it. It's just a depth of feeling, brother.
 
We've had a few months longer than we expected with Robert, but he has finally been called home early this morning to be with God.
Some days have been tough. He's been completely bedridden for the last month and a half and largely unresponsive for the last few days. Seeing a strong man in the condition he was in has been tough on us all.
On the flip side, he has had wonderful days mentally over the last couple of weeks. Last Wednesday he cracked a joke with my wife and her best friend. Jannie (my wife) is a former EMT and Tina (best friend) is a nurse. They were giving him a sponge bath, taking vitals, and such when Robert looks over at my mother and says "I think Im gonna replace you with these two. You think Im gonna die and give this up? Youre crazy, woman!"

Im so full of mixed emotions right now. Sadness, grief, happiness and relief.
Obviously, Im saddened by his passing but Im immensely relieved that he no longer suffers. Im extremely happy that he is in the presence of his Maker and he is finally at peace.

If youve followed this thread since January, you know both the joy and sadness we have had. You also know that some nameless members have periodically reached out to me simply to gauge my state of mind and to offer any help they could. You also know that members I have never met before gave freely of their time and money to assist in getting the supplies we needed in the beginning before Insuranc decided to start playing nice. My heartfelt thank yous go out to these selfless individuals.
I would also like to thank those who shared their experiences here with me. Your words and stories have really helped keep me focused. Thank you for laying your soul bare to me and sharing your raw emotions.
Thank you for allowing me the same. Just being able to say stuff out loud, even if it was to faceless individuals I dont personally know. But I feel like I know some of you a little better through sharing our experiences.
May god bless you all


Robert Ralph Hamrick
Dec 5, 1939
Oct 7, 2017

Rest in Peace, Robert. You are loved by many and will be greatly missed by those in this house.



My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever.
Psalm 73:26
 
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May he Rest In Peace.

And don’t feel guilty if some of that relief is for the lifting burden of caring for someone. It’s perfectly natural.

Only one thing is certain in life and that is we all have to pass. What is uncertain is whether or not we made a beneficial difference in the lives of others before we go.

It sounds like he did. And I think you can rest easy, based on your own actions for him, that you have answered that question for yourself as well.
 
Prayers for all of you and thanks for allowing those of us on the forum to be there for you during this challenging time in life. It's apparent that Robert brought joy and happiness to other people while he lived.

Your experience and ability to share it with us is inspiring and just one more reason I sincerely love hanging out with all of you guys and gals on this site. I need to step away from a moment and see what's making my eyes start acting up.
 
Youre in my thoughts, you and your family.
 
My dad used to say "live your life in such a way that when you die, your funeral procession creates a traffic jam of epic proportions".

Sounds like Robert did that.
Prayers sent my friend.


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May the Lord bless you and your family with his precious peace and comfort. Take solace in the fact that you did so much to make him comfortable and happy during this last year. You're "good people" in my book.
 
Rest In Peace Mr. Hamrick.
 
My dad used to say "live your life in such a way that when you die, your funeral procession creates a traffic jam of epic proportions".

Sounds like Robert did that.
Prayers sent my friend.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If there was gonna be a service, thats exactly what would happen. Everybody, and I do mean literally EVERYBODY, within a hundred miles knew or did business with this man.
His last wishes were that we didn't have any services, that we cremate him, and scatter his ashes around the cotton gin and grain bins. He was always happiest when he was getting something done at the gin. And by God, I mean to do exactly that.

Thanks everybody for all the kind words. He will definitely be missed.
 
I lot my father in 1985, my step father in 2005 and Mother in 2006, I know how you feel brother, it hurts when you see them decline and pass away. Keep praying and asking God for his help. Stay strong but it is not unmanly to cry from time to time to let out some of the pain, loss and frustration. God bless you.
 
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Just seen the update and I'm very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you, the family, and friends.
 
Sorry for your loss. Rest well Robert Hamrick...

Don't feel guilty about your sense of relief, as your father shares the same relief to ease your burden. I am sure he is quite proud of you, and happy to be reunited with his elders.
 
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