I have never understood the fascination with this silly clown story.
Here's how it should have went down...
A clown who lived in a sewer kept harassing children....One day a child, named Timmy, saw the Clown, who's name was Pennywise. Pennywise beckoned the child over to the storm drain.
He said, "Hello my child, why doon't you come down here and live with me!"
Little Timmy responded, " Dude, you're a goddamn clown that lives in a tube full of shit, Piss off!"
Timmy ran home, up to the attic, where his "crazy as hell" Uncle Ray, who used to be a Tunnel Rat in Vietnam, lived while "he's down on his luck", according to his sister Helen, Timmy's mom. He told Uncle Ray of the clown situation...
Uncle Ray laughed, spewed Jim Beam all over his frightened nephew, stood up and reassured the kid,
"Ah for shit's sake kid, he won't be the first buck-toothed clown I've killed in a tunnel.."
Uncle Ray patted Timmy on the head, walked over to and squatted down by his old footlocker. He rummaged around for a bit before slipping a strap over his head, while at the same time he ran his arm through the other end. When he stood up and turned around, he held an old angle head flashlight in his left hand and in his right was an old K-Bar.
He stuffed the K-Bar in his waistline and clipped the light to his belt. He then reached up to retrieve from what Timmy realized, was a battered old Tanker's holster, a well maintained, 4 inch, .38 Spl. S&W Combat Masterpiece. He checked it, saw his six, then returned it to his holster. As an afterthought, he reached back into his old foot locker and came up with a tattered, faded tiger stripe boonie cover and placed it on his head at a jaunty angle.
He sighed wistfully, staring into the past..."Ah this is the good stuff." he said to no one, well at least no one who was present in the room.
Uncle Ray threw his head back and laughed one last time, winked at Timmy and ambled down the staircase.
Timmy ran to the attic window to see Uncle Ray strolling down the quiet neighborhood sidewalk with a vim and vigor that Timmy had never seen in his Uncle. Timmy heard the whistling of "The Marine Corps Hymn" and saw Uncle Ray laughing heartily.
Uncle Ray stopped, looked back to see Timmy watching pensively from the attic. Ray pointed to the manhole cover in the sidewalk. Timmy nodded his head in the affirmative, Ray gave him the "Thumbs Up", lifted the lid and descended into the darkness.
Once inside, he embraced the blackness that would be his killing ground. Ray unholstered the .38 and placed in his left hand, the angle head light. He crawled along and in short order, he ran head long into Penneywise the assclown. Pennywise reared his ugly head, raised his claw-like hands and charged, Ray had anticipated the assclown's every move.
Smoothly and unhesitatingly, he raised the old issued Combat Masterpiece and emptied all six of the heavy lead hollowpoints into the clown's face. The clown's head came apart like a wormy apple.
In the meantime, Timmy, smelling of bourbon and saliva, had alerted his Mom to her brother's attic antics. Grabbing his mother's hand, he dragged her along. They both ran out into the front yard when, from the dark subterranean network, They heard the rapid fire staccato of Ray's revolver, each of them not believing a revolver could be fired so fast.
Timmy and Helen waited anxiously for what seemed to be an hour, but in all reality it had only been a couple of minutes when they saw Uncle Ray break the surface of the manhole. He made it up to the edge where he promptly sat and fired up his seventh Winston of the day, then took in a slow deep drag. He cocked his head up to the warmth of the sun, expelled a lung full of smoke and sighed, He turned to his left to see his sister and nephew watching him. He silently lifted his hand in greeting. He called over to Timmy,
" Hey kid I got ya something!" Timmy sprinted over to him as fast as his little legs could carry him.
"What, what is it Uncle Ray?" he asked excitedly.
"Here boy, everyman should have one of these!" he replied as he reached around the boy's head and slipped the 550 cord over Timmy's head and around his neck.
"Cool Uncle Ray! What is it?"
Hell son, them's his ears! I made you a nice little necklace, it'll ward off evil from now on!!".....
The End.