Not looking for prayers but need to vent

KnotRight

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This is not my usually post,

I am lucky to have both parents still living but it is killing me. This year my mother has been in the hospital twice (ICU and MSUI units both times), rehab 3 times and been in an assistant living for the past 2 months. My father has dementia and getting worst by the day.

I call my mother Cat Woman because she should have died 3 times in the past 3 years. I told her that she has used 3 of her 9 life's, and maybe 4. My father does good during the day but at night it is tough. We have someone with him about 14 hours a day. We are lucky that both parents have a LTC policy that takes care of 80 to 90% of the expenses. My mother might be able to come home in a month or so if she continues to improve but I e-mailed my father's doctor requesting an appointment to see if there is any more options that might slow down his memory lost.

Every other night I am either at my father's or mother's. I might start looking for a LTC facility that offers a 2 room suite.

My sister in law for years have taken care of my mother in law and never knew what she was going through with the other 2 sisters in Washington and here in Savannah.
 
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For what it's worth, I am sitting up to be awake when my missus comes home from the nursing home where she is sitting up with her mom. She was there at 7AM, and then went to work, and then went back at 6. I'm not sure what to do about it, so I am just sitting up in solidarity.
 
I have to say I feel for you and I hope I don't have to go through it.

My father is too independent and proud a man to go out like that. I'd rather see him drop dead of a heart attack than go out slow. I know he would too.

Mine are 75 now and still doing fine but you never know at that age. It can go bad quickly.
 
Tough row to hoe, Knot.

Endure. Keep up the love, let go the frustration and angst. Being there and in attendance to your folks in their waning times is not just duty fulfillment. It is a celebration of the people who have loved you made you who you are. Stand up proudly for them.
 
I will pray for you and your family. I've been through so much that applies here with my grandparents but I understand it being different with parents. Comfort and peace is what I am praying for.


You may not have been looking for prayers but I'm offering them. They are the absolute least gift I can offer you in your current situation.
 
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I understand what you're going through. My mom had lung cancer that spread to her bones and brain. She had a stroke and dementia on top of it. Couldn't get her into a facility for some time so between myself, my brother and my sister, we cared for her 24/7. THAT will beat up down and loving your parents has nothing to do with it! My wife is know caring for her 82 year old aunt. She can't get up out of bed by herself and craps all over herself every night. The chair she sits in is soaked with urirne and she lives with her husband who has had a stroke and can't do for himself. Neither can get into a facility because of some property she owns and can't get rid of, ( my wife's transgender nephew lives in it and won't pay rent. She can't get him out because she can't leave the house!) puts them into a higher income bracket! She calls my wife at all hours and it's running her into the ground quickly! She took care of both her parents until they died, but she has 4 brothers and a sister who did nothing but call her demanding updates! They're excuses were that they work. Well so did my wife! Her aunt has 2 sons and they come by sporadically but don't feel the need to help. Ain't family great!?
 
Prayers for you and your family my friend.

Seems so many of us have done what God has commanded us to do and are honoring our parents by taking care of them.

My mother AND MIL both live with us and while their health is nowhere near what others are relating, it can still be taxing.

Servants heart.


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If it is not God's Will to cure your parents, may God give you strength to bear their burden and offer it up to Him.
 
I'm 52, and my parents are 75. My mother is getting pretty feeble, but Daddy is in better shape than me. I'm lucky that they stay right across the road from me. Mama falls frequently, and has broken both hips requiring replacement, she's also had several back surgeries.
She fell in the kitchen a couple weeks ago hitting her face on the fridge with the full force of her fall. Her face looked like she'd been mugged.

I'm lucky to still have my parents and I'm praying for you and yours.
 
Vent away. It's good to let the steam off in a healthy way. That's what we are here for! I know kind of what it's like. Both mine are no longer here. The ole man had dementia. It's rough. Keep strong and remember the Lord will not give you anything that you cannot handle. Pray for peace and strength. I'll send a prayer your way.
 
After my FIL's death we moved my wife's mother in with us because she was unable to care for herself. She lived with us eight years. Eight years on a roller coaster. Her health was up and down. Just when we thought we would lose her (even hospice thought so) she would get better. My wife was her primary care giver and having her under the same roof with us really simplified things. If she had been in a facility, I'd have never seen my wife. None of the rest of the family offered any assistance.

So sorry for your situation. It's part of the trials and tribulations we go through as our parents age. I still have it to go through with my own parents. It really sucks and the worst part is not having any control over it. You want to make things better but are powerless to do so. Just continue to love them and treat them with dignity.
 
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If I can help it, I will not be a burden on my daughter. Quality over quantity.

I have been shown the way. She would understand.

Sorry for your troubles, knot.
 
If I can help it, I will not be a burden on my daughter. Quality over quantity.

I have been shown the way. She would understand.

Don't you even think about it.

Did you think she was a burden on you when she got here? No.

It's a circle Troy. And the circle needs to be unbroken.
 
I hope things have gotten a bit better buddy. I hate I just saw this but I can tell you from experience is takes a toll. Make sure you take time for yourself.
 
Thanks, nchunt101,
My mother passed on 9/11. With her passing my father is not worrying about her and I think it is helping is dementia. He wants to sell the house because he says it is too big (probably the memories too) but we are not going to do anything for 6 months. If he wants to go in an assisted living here or in Atlanta he can but still will not sell until he is comfortable with the move.
 
I feel for you. My father passed away in 2009 with Alzheimer's. He stayed at home much longer than he should have and it's really tough on the caregivers There's nothing they can do for Alzheimer's. My sister was diagnosed out of the blue with brain cancer in 2015 and passed away in 2016. My mother is 89 and still lives alone but I don't know how much longer that is going to last. I live just around the corner from her and check on her a couple of times a day. Good luck, life kind of sucks sometimes.
 
SPST, take care of your mother but most important is to take care of yourself for those that are depending on you.
 
My wife just got back from 10 weeks with her mom. I went down twice (Huntsville AL). That kind of stuff is ugly, when the people you love are on the terminal glide path. When you combine that with a (high functioning) mentally retarded daughter and a severely autistic grandson, and a mom who is asking if she can move in with you...... sometimes I feel like "why am I the one that the universe has decided to shove through a bung hole." My consolation is that God values acts of kindness and humility and service more than silver and gold, and that the final day will turn values on their head. Kindness and unrecognized service matters, whether the world acknowledges them or not. Be strong and take courage. All will be made right and no good deed done for Christ will go unrecognized. In other words, we will NEVER regret ( on that day ) doing good for His sake to those who cannot benefit us.
 
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