Prayers/Advice Needed for a Friend --Updated Yet Again

nchunt101

Member
Charter Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2016
Messages
3,902
Location
location
Rating - 100%
1   0   0
My best friend since childhood has been on constant deployment rotation as a member of the 75th Rng Regiment for the past ten years (Both 2nd and 1st Battalion). The last few deployments have seemd to wear on him more than in years past. His wife lost their first child (still born) during his last deployment. Loosing his baby while deployed has really ****** him up. He was able to fly home to be with his wife but has been a different person since he got home. Contact with him has been allmost nonexistant which worries me because I have allways been the one that he could talk to/decompress with. I am good friends with his wife eho keeps me updated and he has become incrediably distant with her too.

Any advice on how to help him would be appreciated. His carreer is his life. Would getting therapy hold him back? He was there for me when my wife miscarried and made sure to make it to my wedding even though he was deploying three days afterwards. I considered putting this in the Vet. forum but didn't know if it would be appropriate. If it was anybody else I would write it off as life changing things but he is my brother even if not by blood. Sorry to be clear as mud, I just have no way to relate to what he has experienced and am finally seeing the toll it takes on our millitary.
 
Last edited:
Don't stop reaching out to him.

This.
Right.
Here.

I had some troubles after one of my deployments. I shut everyone out, convinced I could handle everything on my own.
I could not.
My best friend, God rest his soul, was an annoying little b@$7@&d and kept on reaching out, stopping by, dragging me places.
I don't know that he saved my life- maybe, maybe not- but he definitely helped me save my marriage and my relationship with my kids.
Keep ringing his phone. Keep knocking on his door. Talk about anything and everything. When the time is right, and you'll know when that is, be the shoulder for him to cry on and vent it out.
That is all you can do.
 
Probably only someone with experience counseling veterans can really help but I will say this, don’t treat him like somethings wrong, just be his normal friend, he’ll talk to you when he’s ready.
 
This.
Right.
Here.

I had some troubles after one of my deployments. I shut everyone out, convinced I could handle everything on my own.
I could not.
My best friend, God rest his soul, was an annoying little b@$7@&d and kept on reaching out, stopping by, dragging me places.
I don't know that he saved my life- maybe, maybe not- but he definitely helped me save my marriage and my relationship with my kids.
Keep ringing his phone. Keep knocking on his door. Talk about anything and everything. When the time is right, and you'll know when that is, be the shoulder for him to cry on and vent it out.
That is all you can do.
Probably only someone with experience counseling veterans can really help but I will say this, don’t treat him like somethings wrong, just be his normal friend, he’ll talk to you when he’s ready.

Both of those are great answers!
For every combat veteran it is a bit different and everyone has their limits and triggers. There is finally some excellent knowledge out there and the newer therapy methods are showing very good results.

More importantly the stigma of "Man there's something seriously wrong with you! " and " Watch out with that one he's all F-ed up in the head" kind of foolishness is, for the most part, a thing of the past ignorance. The thoughts of "being weak" and "non-deployable" with PTSD being a career-killer is also, for the most part, gone. There should be no shame attached and no feelings of inadequacy from him. he just needs to get rebalanced and shake hands with the event(s) and recognize his individual triggers. Family support and support from close friends also help immensely.

A combo of extended therapy and mild meds may be just the thing...The reason I say meds is that when one has had extended combat deployments or numerous short duration combat deployments, it's common to stay in a state of mind where the fight or flight reflex stays on and on.

This, of course affects psychologically, but in doing so, the brain can alter the body's chemistry, royally F-ing up the serotonin output (other chemicals also). The new therapies have shown that when combined with a mild med like Citalopram (which rebalances serotonin) along with such mental exercises such as public immersion/ exposure exercises, these combo therapies work very well.

This is not to say it'll be easy, just the opposite. The first step will be the MF-er of all first steps and the rest will be one of the hardest things he will ever do, but it gets easier and easier with time and as it does he will see more and more what a positive change is taking place....

An important thing for him to remember is that he will have to give up some independence at first (this is especially hard for a Ranger or a Marine to do) but he has to, at first, give up some independence in order to regain it back, in full, for the future......It's a tough road and an extremely difficult decision to finally make, but very much worth it in the long run....heck, it's a life saver!
 
Last edited:
Probably only someone with experience counseling veterans can really help but I will say this, don’t treat him like somethings wrong, just be his normal friend, he’ll talk to you when he’s ready.

Thanks for all your input. I have no intention of running around like chicken little screaming PTSD etc but am somewhat tempted to tell him to pull his head out of his ass. I don't want him to ruin his carreer and or marriage.
 
Incoming prayers.

Do not give up on him.

He need help from a friend.

Thank you for helping him.

You are true friend, I would be happy to shake your hand and break bread with you.
 
Last edited:
Thanks for the prayers. He seems to be doing a lot better is more like himself. His wife also found out she was pregnant a week ago which really helped things.
 
also found out she was pregnant a week ago

Assuming that this didn’t happen when he was deployed, great news! However, if he has real problems then it’ll just distract him from them for a while, he’ll be himself for a while but the demons will return. It’s a lot easier if he resolves them sooner than later, and maybe now is the right time to point out that he seems to have been struggling of late and you’re happy for him and if he needs anything you’re happy to help blah blah blah. Point is that he may be able to hear you now, and that may not be the case in a few months.

I can’t speak to how seeking assistance will affect his career, but not seeking assistance if he really needs it is not a path to professional or personal success and happiness.
 
I wish more than anything that this was a positive update but my buddy is in a coma after he wrecked his bike early last Thursday morning. Really worried I am gonna loose him even though his own stupidity caused this.
 
Last edited:
Sorry man, prayers for you, him, and the family.
 
That sucks man. I hope he recovers.
 
Wow. Prayers for all during these difficult times.
 
Assuming that this didn’t happen when he was deployed, great news! However, if he has real problems then it’ll just distract him from them for a while, he’ll be himself for a while but the demons will return. It’s a lot easier if he resolves them sooner than later, and maybe now is the right time to point out that he seems to have been struggling of late and you’re happy for him and if he needs anything you’re happy to help blah blah blah. Point is that he may be able to hear you now, and that may not be the case in a few months.

I can’t speak to how seeking assistance will affect his career, but not seeking assistance if he really needs it is not a path to professional or personal success and happiness.
One of my wife's nephews was traumatized by his last tour in the sandbox. It took losing his family before he finally got help. His mind eventually caught up with his body being home. He is a paramedic with Boston EMS and goes to Berkley College of Music at night. Serving and creating are very healing.
I hope this gentleman gets the help he needs before it is too late.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
 
I hate to have to ask for these but prayers/thoughts needs worse than ever. He went off the deep end last night. All I feel comfortable saying is that it is bad and hopefully he hasn't ****** his life up beyond repair. I am still struggling to wrap my head around it.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Back
Top Bottom