Long_Hunter
Sufficient Speed, Acceptable Drag
2A Bourbon Hound 2024
2A Bourbon Hound OG
Charter Life Member
Benefactor
Supporting Member
Realize some of these are bit "old school", but still funny as hell (and true in some cases!)..and feel free to add to it.
- Your newborn must attend the new comers’ orientation course within the first 30 days of life.
- Your wife’s two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam.
- You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed tactically.
- Your children clear housing before they go to college.
- You require your mechanic to replace the sandbags in your floorbed as part of a tune-up.
- Your SUV is equipped with blackout lights & and IR light.
- Your kids call their mother “Household 6”.
- Your kids volunteer to pull air guard on the school bus.
- Your doorbell sounds off with the current challenge and password.
- Your house has sector sketches posted by every window.
- You give the command “Fix Bayonets” at Thanksgiving Dinner.
- Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on separate rats.
- You make your daughter sign out on Pass on prom night.
- Your kindergartner calls recess “smoke break”.
- Your wife calls foreplay “prepping the objective”.
- Your wife conducts an AAR after sex.
- Your wife “takes a knee” in the checkout line at the commissary.
- You do your back to school shopping at the U.S. Cav store.
- Your kids call the tooth fairy “slicky boy”.
- Your son fails the third grade but tells everyone he was a “phase 3 recycle”.
- Your kids salute their grandparents.
- Your wife’s high-n-tight is more squared away than your commanders.
- Your kids get an LES with their allowance.
- Your grandmother won “All American Week” and “Best Ranger”.
- All your kids have names that start with AR, FM, TM, or DA Form.
- Your truck has your name stenciled on the windshield.
- All of your family vehicles have bumper numbers stenciled on them.
- Your kids are hand-receipt holders.
- Your kids recite their ABC’s phonetically.
- Your wife keeps mermites in the china cabinet.
- When your first wife left you, you held a “change of command” ceremony.
- You call you in-laws the “slice elements”.
- Your dog’s name is Ranger.
- All your possessions are military issue.
- Your kids call their sandbox “NTC”.
- Your yard is the family “AOR”.
- You have pull-up bars outside the kitchen door.
- Your daughter’s first haircut was a flattop.
- Your kids pull fireguard at night.
- Your newborns first words were “ALL OK JUMPMASTER!”
- You decorate your Christmas tree with chem lights and engineer tape.
- Your wife’s favorite perfume smells suspiciously like bug juice.
- When you have dinner guests in between paydays, you try to pass off a hamslice as canned ham.
- You set up triple-stand concertina wire around your house to keep trick or treaters away.
- Every sport your kids play has the word “combat” as part of its name.
- Your older kids call the youngest one “cherry”.
- Your kids would rather have SIPR & JWICS than the newest xbox.
- Anyone using the TV remote must first “dispatch” it.
- Your kids practice drill & ceremony at recess.
- Your kids sound off with RANGER every time their left foot strikes the ground.
- Your kid’s double time everywhere they go.
- Your wife won’t buy anything unless it has a national stock number.
- Your daughters dolls wear starched uniforms.
- Your kids painted their big wheels camo and put bumper numbers on them.
- If your kids fail a test they get a letter of reprimand…if they get an F on a report card get an Article 15.
- Your wife responds to “HOOAH” and understands what it means regardless of the context you say it in.
- When you go camping, you first check for possible avenues of approach.
- All of your beds have poncho liners as bed covers.
- You answer the phone like you are the CQ.
