I am thinking of buying EVERY SINGLE FIREARM OFFERED IN HERE that requires a "bill of sale"
I will take your xxxxxxxxxx, at your price, subject to the following conditions:
I appreciate your demand to provide a “bill of sale” for the protection of both parties. Although NC law only requires there be a permit shown, and proof of ID/NC residence (picture), it is always a good idea to go further than the law and so add extralegal hoops to jump through, “just in case.”
In that spirit, to consummate this deal, I will require:
A statement (duly sworn and notarized) of where you purchased this weapon. I must protect myself, and possession of a stolen firearm (even if I can trace it back to you!) is a felony.
A sworn affidavit (notarized) from the local sheriff that the registration number on the weapon does not match any database of stolen weapons.
Another paper notarizing that the id on the weapon matches the sworn affidavit of the above sheriff.
I will need a statement (again, sworn and notarized by local sheriff) that you have no immediate family members, spouse(s), children (adopted and natural), first cousins and inlaws, who have a history of criminal activity. These should be named, dates of birth and Social Security numbers included, with a line itemization of notary verifications, that none of them have the type of criminal character that would lead to them taking access to your weapon to commit a crime. If this were to show up “after the fact,” there is the possibility that I could be charged, or at least suspected, of being an accessory after the fact. Even though the law does not require this, it is better to be safe. Wouldn’t you agree?
I will need a similar statement, sworn and notarized, of course demonstrating that you have no immediate family members, spouse(s), children (adopted and natural), first cousins and inlaws, who have a history of mental instability. If one of your kids had a bad Prozac reaction, took the weapon without your knowledge and committed a theft or murder, and then returned it, this creates legal jeopardy for me. Perhaps under the care of a psychiatrist or counselor, this memory could come out and then I might get “talked to” by the police. I am sure you understand that we must guard against this eventuality. In light of this, please compile a list of all hospitals, mental health professionals, and clergy with counseling backgrounds within a 150 mile radius of your home (this would include all the domiciles in which you have lived since you owned the weapon), and get them to sign a statement that they have never treated/counseled any of the people on the above list for: depression, manic depression, homicidal ideation, suicidal ideation, or transgender emotional issues (the latter is optional, but recommended).
Finally, since the police might want to “interview” me if I bought a weapon from a mentally unstable or radical person, I will need you to verify that you have no crazy bumper stickers or tee shirts with slogans like MOLON LABE, Kill ‘em all and let God sort them out, Don’t Tread on Me, Gun control means using two hands, or Ron Paul for President. We don’t need to engage in overkill here, so I won’t need a notarized statement. Just a signed affirmation from your wife, significant other, or a neighbor.
If you can agree to these simple and effective safeguards, I will happily purchase your xxxxxxxx at your listed price.
Sincerely, Elmer Fudd
I will take your xxxxxxxxxx, at your price, subject to the following conditions:
I appreciate your demand to provide a “bill of sale” for the protection of both parties. Although NC law only requires there be a permit shown, and proof of ID/NC residence (picture), it is always a good idea to go further than the law and so add extralegal hoops to jump through, “just in case.”
In that spirit, to consummate this deal, I will require:
A statement (duly sworn and notarized) of where you purchased this weapon. I must protect myself, and possession of a stolen firearm (even if I can trace it back to you!) is a felony.
A sworn affidavit (notarized) from the local sheriff that the registration number on the weapon does not match any database of stolen weapons.
Another paper notarizing that the id on the weapon matches the sworn affidavit of the above sheriff.
I will need a statement (again, sworn and notarized by local sheriff) that you have no immediate family members, spouse(s), children (adopted and natural), first cousins and inlaws, who have a history of criminal activity. These should be named, dates of birth and Social Security numbers included, with a line itemization of notary verifications, that none of them have the type of criminal character that would lead to them taking access to your weapon to commit a crime. If this were to show up “after the fact,” there is the possibility that I could be charged, or at least suspected, of being an accessory after the fact. Even though the law does not require this, it is better to be safe. Wouldn’t you agree?
I will need a similar statement, sworn and notarized, of course demonstrating that you have no immediate family members, spouse(s), children (adopted and natural), first cousins and inlaws, who have a history of mental instability. If one of your kids had a bad Prozac reaction, took the weapon without your knowledge and committed a theft or murder, and then returned it, this creates legal jeopardy for me. Perhaps under the care of a psychiatrist or counselor, this memory could come out and then I might get “talked to” by the police. I am sure you understand that we must guard against this eventuality. In light of this, please compile a list of all hospitals, mental health professionals, and clergy with counseling backgrounds within a 150 mile radius of your home (this would include all the domiciles in which you have lived since you owned the weapon), and get them to sign a statement that they have never treated/counseled any of the people on the above list for: depression, manic depression, homicidal ideation, suicidal ideation, or transgender emotional issues (the latter is optional, but recommended).
Finally, since the police might want to “interview” me if I bought a weapon from a mentally unstable or radical person, I will need you to verify that you have no crazy bumper stickers or tee shirts with slogans like MOLON LABE, Kill ‘em all and let God sort them out, Don’t Tread on Me, Gun control means using two hands, or Ron Paul for President. We don’t need to engage in overkill here, so I won’t need a notarized statement. Just a signed affirmation from your wife, significant other, or a neighbor.
If you can agree to these simple and effective safeguards, I will happily purchase your xxxxxxxx at your listed price.
Sincerely, Elmer Fudd
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