T
The Green Heron
Guest
I don't know anything else to do. Find myself staring into that dark hole quite a bit the past few weeks. Sure it's a bad time of the year for me. Sometimes I just feel so broken.
The oldest is worrying the hell out of me. She has gotten so confrontational that Trudi doesn't want her around when I'm home. Last night she came over and I tried to be civil, she tried to agg me on and finally got her wish. It seems to be the last straw for me.
The night before I was calm as she tried to run down a friend that is a preachers son. She found out he had a newborn and immediately started laughing and railing about how Christians are all hypocrites. I calmly explained he got married at least 9 months ago. She exploded and personally attacked me and my ideals at that point.
In the last few months I have had to listen about how I have failed her, and everyone else in my life. I didn't go to college, so I can't relate to her ideals, and how she doesn't want to end up like me.
I tried to post this last night and it didn't post. Been pretty low. Trying to imagine I'm not just some ant under God's magnifying glass.
Trudi said tonight that I'm not the only person in the world who has suffered tragedy. Yeah, I know that, guess maybe that's her knee jerk to seeing me like this. I'm sure it doesn't help that I simply don't talk about what eats me on a daily basis. I guess I should just accept being this broken thing.
​​​​​​​Pray for my family.
The oldest is worrying the hell out of me. She has gotten so confrontational that Trudi doesn't want her around when I'm home. Last night she came over and I tried to be civil, she tried to agg me on and finally got her wish. It seems to be the last straw for me.
The night before I was calm as she tried to run down a friend that is a preachers son. She found out he had a newborn and immediately started laughing and railing about how Christians are all hypocrites. I calmly explained he got married at least 9 months ago. She exploded and personally attacked me and my ideals at that point.
In the last few months I have had to listen about how I have failed her, and everyone else in my life. I didn't go to college, so I can't relate to her ideals, and how she doesn't want to end up like me.
I tried to post this last night and it didn't post. Been pretty low. Trying to imagine I'm not just some ant under God's magnifying glass.
Trudi said tonight that I'm not the only person in the world who has suffered tragedy. Yeah, I know that, guess maybe that's her knee jerk to seeing me like this. I'm sure it doesn't help that I simply don't talk about what eats me on a daily basis. I guess I should just accept being this broken thing.
​​​​​​​Pray for my family.